I received quite a bit of feedback about some of the writings I’ve shared with you, so I thought I would keep it going at least until I run out or get different feedback. Again not everything shared here is what is immediately going on in my life, although it has gone on in my life. So if you are currently feeling similar things or have felt similar things and want to talk about it, please reach out to me or someone else. Most of the time others have similar experiences or thoughts or feelings but when nobody is willing to share life can be harder than when we’re open and vulnerable and willing to work together.
One of the things that keeps coming up in my life lately is the word community. Another word that seems to appeared at the same time is the word change. Together they represent something I both want and am reluctant to face. At their best they represent great things and amazing opportunities. Yet I’ve had negative experiences with both. The question is since I’m clearly being called to something, how do I protect myself? Or is that the point? That I’m called to just let go and truly feel something outside of myself. That when life is telling you to do things a different way, you might as well dive deep. I don’t really know why I’d be afraid of change or community, it’s not like my life is perfect as it is. So even though the change could be bad, I can always change again. It is a safe person who stays in a system that is broken, afraid of what could be. The ability to change is what moves the world forward. As I strive to find myself, I am still allowed to make mistakes. Yet if I’m afraid then not doing anything seems like the biggest mistake of all. I can’t fix what I don’t know, but what I’m doing now needs fixed. So the questions are whether I’m more excited about what could happen or more afraid of a little discomfort? If I’m afraid, what will make me less afraid and more excited? What’s the worst that could happen?
And another one:
What is my story? I find myself struggling to answer this question. I’m not sure that it is because my life is so fascinating. I don’t think it is boring necessarily. It could be that my life isn’t over so I’m not sure which details matter yet. It might be the fact that my story isn’t necessarily a singular point but rather a set of patterns. It is almost as if I’m made up of a series of short stories. As to how to use this to tell my story, I guess it is learning to match a particular part of my life with that audience. But what about when I don’t know who my audience is? I guess this is the true struggle about learning about others and yourself. You have to learn to be vulnerable. If I look at my life I don’t see many life changing moments anymore. Some of the ones I thought would be important tend to lose their importance or details over time. If I’m truly honest I don’t really remember those “important moments” like my first prom, my first kiss, my college graduation ,my first car, or even my first day on a job. To many these are life’s big moments and crossroads, but for me they felt like just a small piece of something bigger. I’m not sure if I need to learn how to feel more or add meaning towards things, or if it just that I value certain moments more. In the end there is a high likelihood that it’s a bit of both. I need to learn to feel and appreciate while also learning to look at the world through a more purposeful plan.
And a third one just because:
I recently realized something obvious, yet really important: Hugs are awesome. Yet in our culture a lot of people hesitate in showing any signs of actual human connection or interaction, so hugs don’t happen. Somehow when little kids, especially relatives are around these same people are more than willing to dole out physical affection. But around their own peers or people they’ve known for years they would rather remain cold and standoffish so as not to break cultural norms. It’s too bad, especially with the world in the state it is in today. Every day should be national hug day. Just don’t make me be the first person to start it.