One of the interesting things when I ask others to describe me is that usually I’ll get a response saying that I’m brutally honest. Which while I’m appreciative of the fact that people think I’m honest, I don’t know if brutally honest is a true statement. You see while I’m not afraid to say things to people, there is some strategy to not saying everything I’m thinking all the time. It’s not that I’m ashamed of my thoughts or that I’m really that worried about hurting someone’s feelings, but sometimes it’s easier to just not talk and save yourself from conflict.
Therefore, in a way my silence can sometimes be a sign that I don’t really want to say what’s on my mind. Although to be fair sometimes it just means I’m thinking. This silence in a way is deceptive in nature because if I really wanted to speak my opinion it’d be the first reaction to come out of my mouth. Yet because I’m strategic and calculated, I use very thought out answers in most situations (unless the situation isn’t that critically important). Which while this can have the effect of making me look “honest”, is it really?
Is me telling people this a strategy or is it true? That’s a good question. While I’m constantly filtering myself and editing myself, is the final outcome the more honest product of who I am or just a photoshopped version? That’s part of what this process is really all about. While I’d like to believe that what comes out is who I am, I do have to admit it is an edited version. Edits aren’t always a bad thing, although sometimes purity is worth more than refined. Sometimes I’m not really sure what or who the real me is, but all I can do is try.
When do you find yourself coming off in an edited form?